Oh Foot Praise!!

Have I mentioned how great God is? Oh yes I have and I will say it again and again!!!!

We had Aiden's check up on his foot on Tuesday. It was to see if the cyst on foot bone has returned. To give you a little recap... We were worried about his pain complaints so scheduled with Campbell Clinic. Drs found a "questionable spot" on his bone by xray in October 2012 so returned every month to monitor it. Nov xray it had grown a little so they scheduled us for the dreaded LeBohneur appointment for MRI where he had to be put to sleep and did an extensive scan. Results were in right around Christmas break and the nurse said it was a "cyst" and no need to come in till after the first of year! That was good news in itself as they told us we may have appointment a week from results if it was something serious. So I could breathe a little easier just by that. January 2013 we went and saw Dr Beaty (Chief Ortho Dr) who did repeat xray to compare to December scans and prior xrays.  Aiden, by this point, knew the routine for the "spaceship" ride! When Dr Beaty came in with results from that "ride" he tells us the spot is no longer visible by xray so its possibly gone! What? Yes! God healed our son (for the time being) and heard our prayers! I truly believe that. What other explanation do you have for the way things completely changed? Spot they had never seen in a child his age, wasn't sure what it was, it was growing, we had to monitor and have MRI after so many xrays then all of a sudden in a matter of weeks its GONE! He went from hurting, waking at night, spot growing to no complaints and no cyst or spot seen! So, we were to come back in three months to give him time to run and play on it as the weather would be getting prettier so we would be more active and also to see if it was a fluid filled cyst that may fill and drain and just was so small it wasn't seen at that appointment. Tuesday was our three month mark. Aiden is now a pro at this so I even go to walk behind the glass during xray instead of holding him down or standing beside him to hold his hand like I have done both in past! Results showed clear again!!! Praise God. He gets all the glory. I reflect on Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28 when I think about it. We now don't go back for 6 months only to make sure and then if its clear we will be a year out and then not come back unless he complains again! We praise God for the results now and if we encounter it again, we will pray He leads us through it. Thanks for everyone who helped in the lifted prayers to our amazing, gracious, master physician!

I have deleted the prior "foot" posts to make room for new things so I have included some pics from those here too.

 

New Journey!

God has brought us opportunities that we sure don't deserve. Grateful yet undeserving. We bought our current home October 2004 as a foreclosed older home in the country.  Since we weren't getting married until March 2005 we had time to remodel the home during those months and that is what we did. Devoted all free time to that so we could spend our first night there the night of our wedding! It all came together. We have resided here for almost 9yrs and have been given the opportunity to expand our home.  As we had done when I became pregnant with our little boy 4yrs ago, we searched for a home In Desoto Co. No luck on "the one" or the right price for us. So we stayed still and waited. Last fall,  we began looking again for homes or land on the question "could we build?" Lots of prayer and asking God to show us what to do especially since school age was approaching for Aiden in a few years. God made a  way and paved the steps so we followed and He led us to a neighborhood that we really like and an open lot  which we were able to purchase quickly and began the building planning process! We signed on it March 2013 around our anniversary (how cool). I know, you're thinking STRESS and DECISIONS! lol You're right but we decided that remodeling our first home in the midst of Chris having a full time career job and playing competative softball and Me full time in college, part time working, and planning a wedding at the time and making it through that we should be okay this time! Yes, we're busy now, too,  but we are also closer in our relationship and are giving God the glory for this new journey in our lives. I pray we make it through with less stress and better compromise than before. lol 

Here are some pictures of the process so far... God is good.

The day we signed for our lot

 Love this kid. He's excited about "upstairs"

Cutting grass for the first time!

September... we have flags and markings for floor plan!

 September 23rd 2013 - We broke ground

 

 Later that day... its finished :)

 

More to come!!!

Spring Cleaning!!

Spring is upon us... about two weeks away to be exact. Don't forget spring forward is this weekend too! Longer days, fresher air, more options to go and do (especially free things like parks, pool, backyard play, etc). I love it! 

Seems like everyone gets "spring fever" to clean come March. We clean the house, windows, closets, flower beds, etc. but do we ever try to clean up our insides? Why not take the time to look at our hearts and clean them up too! More Bible study, fellowship with Christian people, prayer time, positive mind set, witnessing, doing more mission work and less self absorbed things, donating time and money to causes that will make a difference in our fallen world. You never know what you may find that you've looked over a million times before! I think of this song when I talk about all this... 

*Matthew West - My Own Little World*

  Although its not easy and often hard to find but we are called to give our time, our strengths, our  shoulders to lean on,  show compassion/love/understanding, be a light for God in darkness, our testimony to those who could use encouragement, our talents, our money...  Can we do that with out expecting anything in return? For the glory of God? 

I am guilty of focusing on me and my family but God has also been working on my heart for a while to bring me out of my comfort zone. That really happened when we lost Gracen in 2011 and I am so thankful I listened to His calling for me to share my story and give others hope in the same situation. Just through this experience God has showed me so much. So much about reaching out to others, leaning on His word, and deepening my faith! My eyes are open to so much more. Through Bible study, devotions, and just praying for God to open my eyes its totally transformed me here. Its not easy all the time and life always seems to trap you into your own bubble again and again but God has bigger plans for all of us and if we let Him he can help us live out that plan!

 Just ask yourself this:  Are you doing the same in public as you are at home behind closed doors?  (Matthew 6:5-7 ) 

Spring clean your home and your heart!! 

Psalm 51:10

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me."

Heart Talk

If you need more 'heart talk' with God then start today!! When your mind starts wandering, you stress, someone hurts you, you sin, etc just turn to prayer and ask God to help you overcome the situation/mood you're in!! He can do it! Sometimes He grows us by letting us stay in the situation/circumstance/mood we're in at the time to make us lean on Him MORE and submit to His Will. Its not always easy or immediate but that is the point. To depend fully on Him and trust HIS WILL. Every day we can learn something... something more about ourselves, our God, or our purpose for life! If you have a heart for God then you have a heart to pray, disciple, fellowship, worship, and dig into His Word more and more. Don't let time stop you, don't let a circumstance stop you. God says we need to make time for Him first, all else can wait, and He will make things  fall into place.  I have a hard time not stressing over things. Its how I was wired so I have to be diligent in prayer in that area! Something I have to work on... daily!

I have made four trips to the Christian stores in the past month. It really helps to just walk through the aisles looking at books and trust me one or some will just pop out at you! Pick it up, ask yourself is God trying to tell me something by this, and then buy it! Don't just stop there,  make a point to read it. My family, and I have spent hours in Lifeway this month, it seems, and we all find stuff that catches our attention. A always pulls a book or video off the shelf and of course looks at the Boz series and Veggie Tales stuff!! He got a handful of new books our last two trips and I am so grateful he wants to read them and learn more about Jesus at this early age. I pray we can saturate him in the Word and love of Christ so that when the world gets a hold of him (at school, public sports, etc) he will stand for GOD every time! We picked up a bunch of material ourselves and have made a pact to make time during the week to sit and do our individual devotions while listening to Christian music at night before bed instead of just watching tv. Its been great! God is really speaking to ME through those books. Lifeway was having a sale so we stocked up and I am anxious to get to the others but for now I am focusing on what He has to say through these! Here are the two I am starting with (on the left),  Unglued is my next read.

Joshua 24:15

Resolution You Ask?

This time of year everyone asks you, "Whats your New Years Resolution?" Do you have one? I usually don't. No particular reason really just never felt the need to make a year long goal. lol 

The better question is, have we ever asked ourselves what is GODS New Year's Resolution? Whats His Resolution for each of us? Hummm.... 

I wanted to share some notes, and some new insights as I've studied into the New Year, I took on Dec 30th from our Pastors sermon from Malachi 1:6-14 talking about Gods New Year's Resolution. 

*First we know God has revealed HIS plan and purpose to us... its in the Bible! 

*Second we know God does not change! (Malachi 3:6)

 No He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! His word is never failing and is perfect and true. (Psalm 18:30)

So, are you wondering yet what His Resolution is?

*God's New Year's Resolution is for His Name to be GREAT among the nations. (Malachi 1:11) 

He said, "I Am."  - Wow. Powerful sentence. Think about it. 

God wants His Name to get out to all the people of the world. Go make disciples, teaching them in the Name of the Father... (Matthew 28:19)

*God always does the right thing and the right thing is for the One who is MOST WORTHY to receive ALL glory and honor. Have you been giving God all the glory? Sometimes its hard to forget when things go right! When they go wrong, we're quick to ask God why. Well, did we thank Him for all the good He's done for that one bad? Christians wont have an easy life and just because you believe in God and get saved doesn't mean you are exempt from hardships. No, sometimes it means those hardships come more often. You are now battling against the world. Its an evil place that tries to push God out. We as Christians have to lead people back to Him. In the end, every knee shall bow and tongue confess that He is Lord. 

*God wants everyone to recognize the worth of His Name. (Malachi 1:11) 

Think about it. His NAME saves lives. Its only through JESUS that we are saved.

"Everyone who calls on the Name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13

What a Name!!! 

So, knowing the great Name means what? It should impact our lives in three main areas...

1. Our WORSHIP (Malachi 1:6-10, 12-14)

2. Our WITNESS (Malachi 1:11)

3. Our WORLDVIEW (Malachi 1:14)

I encourage each of you reading this, if you aren't already, to proclaim the Name of the Lord and go make disciples!!  America needs Christians to step up and step out of our comfort zone and start putting the Name of God out there!!

Spirit of Thanksgiving!

We had such a good time spending time with both families yesterday. It was a long day, but enjoyed it. We started the day at my Grandparents house with the Smith/Weeks crew to eat and the kids (also includes the men, lol) played football outside. Some of us stayed in and chatted. The house looked nice and the food was so good. We missed a couple that couldn't make it but you guys were in our thoughts. Later that evening we visited Chris' family at his parents. Its always nice b/c at least one of his out of town aunts (and their family) comes to visit! My mother in law had all her Christmas stuff up and if you know her, you know its a lot! So pretty! A loved it. He said she had "big Christmas." We ate and hung out before we headed home.

God has given us so much to be thankful for its hard to name them all. I am trying to be more thankful for even the little things that is easy to just "look over" sometimes! Each of us have different things we've been blessed with. I've said it before that some see others are "more blessed" but its not whats on the outside but the inside and what is according to your needs not wants! Nothing is ours with out God giving it first so give back to him not only in prayer, worship, etc but in tithe too!! Being a Christian means you do it all for His glory, not just what's comfortable to you. Its about sacrifice as he sacrificed His life for us. Give up a shopping spree or nights out and put that 10%(or whatever you choose)  where it belongs... to God first! Just thought I'd throw that in there...

God is Faithful

God is faithful. I know that full well. Even in the hardest times I never feel alone. God is always there to listen. He already knows what I'm thinking but talking really helps! He has also given me Chris. A good support system and Godly man that I have been in love with for 13 years! Aiden who keeps me smiling even when I have bad days. He is so loving, sweet, and caring to be so young. Thankful for that. Surrounded by those three things daily makes me realize how lucky I am!

The months of Oct - Nov are now hard to get through. Who would expect them different if they've read my blog post prior? We lost (what would have been our second child) Gracen first of October 2011.  It was a hard few months after that last year. November, trying to get back to normal and then holidays hitting. It wasn't easy! I prayed more daily than I ever have, I cried more than I ever have, and I was grateful more than I ever have been. When you have something like a baby taken from you, or a loved one of any kind for that matter, you realize what matters and what you should be focusing on! The things you forgot to thank God for and we all do that from time to time. I heard a quote on KLove radio one day.

"What if you woke up tomorrow only with things you thanked God for today!" Wow! 

Well, a year later and those two months are still hard to get through. Its easier, but still hard. When things come up that throw you back in the moment. Things around you remind you of that time. When others are celebrating their news when you are still grieving over yours. Its all hard.

Just know that days get easier, the pain never goes away but hurts less every day (at least for me), and God is always faithful.  I lean on Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, Patient in trouble, and Faithful in prayer."

Walk to Remember.... Our Gracen

I am so thankful that my friend, Christy Dunlop, told me about this!! Chris, Aiden, and I attended the 3rd annual "Walk to Remember" hosted by CrossHeart Ministries on October 22, 2012 at Colliverville.

Here is copy of brochure! 

 In honor of our baby Gracen Hoshell

  We arrived, signed in and got our goodies. It consisted of a t-shirt (with baby names on back), bracelets for infant loss, brochures for CrossHeart, balloon (pink or blue if you knew gender or green if you didn't) to write on, sticker that said "I'm a Mom!"  We took pictures and began meeting people. Robin and her husband gave a great speech and led the two mile walk around the pond. The point was "as we walk for the steps our little ones will never take."  That alone can make you cry, but there is a sense of peace in me only God can give! After that, we all gathered and listened to another speech from Robin (founder of CrossHeart) and her short version of testimony. Its amazing to hear! Then we waited on baby names to be called our in alphabetical order and we released balloons at that time. The sky filled with balloons, such peaceful feeling! They served pizza and waters after that for all to enjoy and continue chatting. We left shortly after that and talked the whole way home of our experience and how glad we were that we did that as a family!!!

  It was an amazing experience. The testimony CrossHeart gives and the support they offer is incredible. The people we met. The openness everyone had and were able to talk/share about our stories and babies we love. To see all the parents that came out to honor their baby/babies was comforting. Why? Because you know you are not only alone in the grief, peace, and yearning for your baby. Knowing that these babies are considered lives to more people than yourself. They are a life in Heaven that we WILL see one day. Same as a grandmother dying, a baby dies and is perfect in Gods house! Its a life lost! No matter how young or old, we lost them... and miss them!  I love their "healing" vision verse which is: Psalm147:3 "God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

It was a heart breaking experience. To see just how MANY babies have been lost too soon. To see each set of parents holding their balloon(s) in honor of that baby they don't get to hold. Looking up at OUR balloon thinking about Gracen. To see the NUMBER of balloons some were holding. Here I was holding ONE balloon, missing my baby so much and there were some holding a clump of them! It humbled me. Strong people out there for sure. God is good and knowing that all those babies are in His presence is comforting in that moment too. I mean, we did release balloons in the sky to our babies... 

 Although it was an amazing yet heart breaking experience, I enjoyed every minute of it. Chris said he did too, even felt comfortable and he talked/shared with two other men. One being Robin's husband who has a big testimony of how God is faithful.  It was a much needed sense of "closure" for me to spend that day honoring our baby with others that feel the exact same way. Its hard to talk about loosing your baby with others because some feel awkward (if they haven't experienced it themself), some don't care, some don't understand. In this moment everyone KNEW with out even having to speak! We did speak though and it felt good. We cried, smiled, and prayed together. Aiden loved the balloon release part the most. He understood (somewhat) of what we were doing. As we let go of the balloon when they called out "Gracen" our sweet boy, Aiden, says "That's Gracen's balloon!" He knows Gracen is in Heaven and that its his "sister" as he says. One day we will know for sure!

Thank you God for your amazing grace and showing us we are not alone! Yet another "bring us out of our comfort zone" moment. Walk to Remember for a lost baby is something I never thought I would be attending....

Oct Awareness Month!!

Its October... fall is here, weather is cooling off, scarecrows and pumpkins are out, soups and hot chocolate seem more enticing, boots and long sleeves are coming out... BUT did you know that October is also "awareness month" for a few different causes that touch so many lives?

That's right! Its Breast Cancer, Down Syndrome, and Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month!

All causes are equally important, touching and affecting so many lives. You don't realize how needed raising awareness for a cause is until one of the reasons for the cause hits home. The cause that affects me personally is Pregnancy & Infant Loss. If you know me personally or have read my story on here then you know why! Gracen caused my knowledge of that specific cause to surface just last year. Honestly, I didn't even know it was so much out there for the cause till I was in the women's hospital and saw things about it because of all months that we lost our baby, it  was October! 

Needless to say, this month is now very hard for us...

To honor our baby, the three of us (my husband, son, and I) are participating in a "Walk to Remember" in a few weeks. Also, the candle remembrance day will be on my calendar and you will smell the warm fall scents all through the house on Oct 15th!  Please join me that evening in lighting a candle to remember those babies lost. I pray for peace, comfort, and understanding if you have personally experienced the loss of child. Its hard, no matter what stage/age of life your baby was. Remember, there are others out there experiencing the same things and through causes/awareness/etc we can come together and support/encourage each other! I know friends, family, and now people who have reached out since I experienced our loss that have gone through the same thing. It happens more than you ever would have realized.

If you think you are experiencing a miscarriage, please contact your Doctor.. 

"Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Chemical pregnancies may account for 50-75% of all miscarriages. This occurs when a pregnancy is lost shortly after implantation, resulting in bleeding that occurs around the time of her expected period. The woman may not realize that she conceived when she experiences a chemical pregnancy. " via APA website at link below.

Visit the American Pregnancy Association for more details.

I also personally know people affected by the other causes for the month. If you haven't read my friend and past co-workers story of her precious Mary Martin (Down Syndrome Awareness) and the impact God has let her short little life be to the world, click HERE.

Please visit links to see more about each one.  There are many sites out there!

Brest Cancer Awareness

Down Syndrome Awareness

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Ecclesiastes 7:14 says,
"When  life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember; God gives good times and hard times, and no one knows what tomorrow will bring."

Romans 8:18 says,
 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday, Gracen!

Today marks one year since we lost a precious part of our family... Gracen, our second child. IF you haven't read my "Gracen" post before, I suggest you stop, scroll down, read, and come back!!

Gracen Hoshell Oct 2nd 2011 

It doesn't seem like a year since I experienced one of the hardest days of my life. No parent wants to think about loosing a child, no matter their age, much less experience it first hand. When it happens to you there's a moment you get stuck in, a mere sense of shock, a sudden emptiness you never knew.On the other hand we held it together better than Chris or I ever thought we would.  Having Christ in our lives, the center of it all, having a plan and reason for taking our baby so soon makes it easier to grasp. Not that we didn't hurt, cry, or have questions as to what the reason was. Just knowing children are important to God and He took our baby back home we had a sense of peace. How can you not be "happy" that a child you already loved was already spending eternity with God? I mean isn't that where we all should long to be for ourselves and for everyone on earth? Gracen just gets a head start over us! We will see his/her face one day and be a complete family again... for eternity! That's something we won't get to do here, time here is temporary, so would I rather have our baby for a short time on earth or forever in Heaven? I choose the latter. I would have loved to have had two children back in May, hold my baby, hear the cries, change more diapers, sing to him/her but God knows best! I can't question it, I just have to trust in it. Priorities change, faith grows even stronger, family is tighter, and love is deeper when something like that happens to you! I still think about Gracen a lot. I pray for more children and continued peace/strength to cope with the loss.  No matter how bad it hurts, the pieces you don't see in the completed puzzle of your life, and the milestones you missed are nothing compared to what God has in store.  He had a plan for taking Gracen. I may not ever know exactly why this side of Heaven, but I know my baby is in a far better place and experiencing far greater joy than s/he would ever have here.

To celebrate Gracen's short life and the impact its had on our life this past year we did something special today!
First, to keep my mind from dwelling on the date, I went out shopping with Mom and Aiden today. Aiden got new fish to add to this tank and we spent some nice time with Mom, much needed adult chats, etc. Such a good day! When Chris got home, he gave me the Willow Tree figurine (Remembrance) I had mentioned getting on the one yr anniversary to add to our collection! We had planned on doing something special and both prepared  verses to read. The three of us went outside to the cross we had put up May 14th (Gracen's due date) in the back yard as a memorial and sang "Happy Birthday" then Aiden wanted some "cake" so that we did. I had bought cupcakes in blue and pink (since we don't know the sex of Gracen) for today and a balloon with "happy birthday" on it where I wrote an added note "Gracen 10.2.11" that we released to Heaven!! We then had a time of prayer and read our verses. I had written a letter this afternoon to Gracen and read it out loud tonight... that was HARD but it was so comforting to say! Aiden sat so quietly eating his cupcake and smiling when we'd finish scripture. He finished us off with his verse of Jeremiah 29:11 (yes, he can quote it by himself). Some verses we read are below in case you want to dig into your Bible! Aiden kept saying, "Gave the balloon to Gracen in Heaven!" When we finished, Chris said "We're going inside to eat, say goodnight to Gracen." Aiden looks in the sky with such a serious face and says, "Goodnight Baby Gracen!" He is so sweet and says some of the most mature things. We don't talk about it a lot around him b/c we thought he was too young to grasp what happened, but he some how knows more than we've said to him! Its one of those things you feel God sends those little comfort messages to you through him. He told me one day when I asked him if he knew baby Gracen was his baby brother or sister in Heaven, after nodding "yes" replied "Baby Gracen got hurt and lives with Jesus." Really? Wow!! There's been other things too but I will keep those more private as we feel those are Gods messages of comfort to us...

 Our family by the memorial cross tonight!

 Memorial Cross, Balloon, and Cupcakes!

 Happy Birthday Balloon Release!

Aiden enjoying birthday cupcakes! lol

 Verse and Remembrance Willow Tree

Job 1:20-21

Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 137:13-16

Psalm 127:3

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Romans 8:28

Romans 12:12

Jeremiah 29:11

 

"God Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference! "

"  Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe via YouTube

Gracen, our angel in Heaven. God shed His grace on us! A tiny life lost so soon yet loved the same! We'll see you one day!

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday!! ... Love Mommy, Daddy, and big brother