Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday, Gracen!

Today marks one year since we lost a precious part of our family... Gracen, our second child. IF you haven't read my "Gracen" post before, I suggest you stop, scroll down, read, and come back!!

Gracen Hoshell Oct 2nd 2011 

It doesn't seem like a year since I experienced one of the hardest days of my life. No parent wants to think about loosing a child, no matter their age, much less experience it first hand. When it happens to you there's a moment you get stuck in, a mere sense of shock, a sudden emptiness you never knew.On the other hand we held it together better than Chris or I ever thought we would.  Having Christ in our lives, the center of it all, having a plan and reason for taking our baby so soon makes it easier to grasp. Not that we didn't hurt, cry, or have questions as to what the reason was. Just knowing children are important to God and He took our baby back home we had a sense of peace. How can you not be "happy" that a child you already loved was already spending eternity with God? I mean isn't that where we all should long to be for ourselves and for everyone on earth? Gracen just gets a head start over us! We will see his/her face one day and be a complete family again... for eternity! That's something we won't get to do here, time here is temporary, so would I rather have our baby for a short time on earth or forever in Heaven? I choose the latter. I would have loved to have had two children back in May, hold my baby, hear the cries, change more diapers, sing to him/her but God knows best! I can't question it, I just have to trust in it. Priorities change, faith grows even stronger, family is tighter, and love is deeper when something like that happens to you! I still think about Gracen a lot. I pray for more children and continued peace/strength to cope with the loss.  No matter how bad it hurts, the pieces you don't see in the completed puzzle of your life, and the milestones you missed are nothing compared to what God has in store.  He had a plan for taking Gracen. I may not ever know exactly why this side of Heaven, but I know my baby is in a far better place and experiencing far greater joy than s/he would ever have here.

To celebrate Gracen's short life and the impact its had on our life this past year we did something special today!
First, to keep my mind from dwelling on the date, I went out shopping with Mom and Aiden today. Aiden got new fish to add to this tank and we spent some nice time with Mom, much needed adult chats, etc. Such a good day! When Chris got home, he gave me the Willow Tree figurine (Remembrance) I had mentioned getting on the one yr anniversary to add to our collection! We had planned on doing something special and both prepared  verses to read. The three of us went outside to the cross we had put up May 14th (Gracen's due date) in the back yard as a memorial and sang "Happy Birthday" then Aiden wanted some "cake" so that we did. I had bought cupcakes in blue and pink (since we don't know the sex of Gracen) for today and a balloon with "happy birthday" on it where I wrote an added note "Gracen 10.2.11" that we released to Heaven!! We then had a time of prayer and read our verses. I had written a letter this afternoon to Gracen and read it out loud tonight... that was HARD but it was so comforting to say! Aiden sat so quietly eating his cupcake and smiling when we'd finish scripture. He finished us off with his verse of Jeremiah 29:11 (yes, he can quote it by himself). Some verses we read are below in case you want to dig into your Bible! Aiden kept saying, "Gave the balloon to Gracen in Heaven!" When we finished, Chris said "We're going inside to eat, say goodnight to Gracen." Aiden looks in the sky with such a serious face and says, "Goodnight Baby Gracen!" He is so sweet and says some of the most mature things. We don't talk about it a lot around him b/c we thought he was too young to grasp what happened, but he some how knows more than we've said to him! Its one of those things you feel God sends those little comfort messages to you through him. He told me one day when I asked him if he knew baby Gracen was his baby brother or sister in Heaven, after nodding "yes" replied "Baby Gracen got hurt and lives with Jesus." Really? Wow!! There's been other things too but I will keep those more private as we feel those are Gods messages of comfort to us...

 Our family by the memorial cross tonight!

 Memorial Cross, Balloon, and Cupcakes!

 Happy Birthday Balloon Release!

Aiden enjoying birthday cupcakes! lol

 Verse and Remembrance Willow Tree

Job 1:20-21

Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 137:13-16

Psalm 127:3

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Romans 8:28

Romans 12:12

Jeremiah 29:11

 

"God Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference! "

"  Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe via YouTube

Gracen, our angel in Heaven. God shed His grace on us! A tiny life lost so soon yet loved the same! We'll see you one day!

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday!! ... Love Mommy, Daddy, and big brother